Where is Dad?

According to the Pew Research Religious Landscape Study, 30% of the American population attends church services regularly. This figure is across all denominations. What is even more interesting is that 40% of men attend regularly. This is actually up from 2010, when the number was only 22%. Pew Research also reports “women generally report higher participation than men.”

If you would like further statistics, according to the Census Bureau, “about 70% of children (ages 0–17) live with two parents. Twenty-two percent live with their mother only, 5% live with their father only, and 4% live with no parent in the household.”

Consider this: of those who attend church (small as the number is), the majority of active participants are women. Of the children who are being reared in single-parent homes, their mother is parenting the vast majority.

Current crisis…

Churches are facing a survival crisis. Our country is facing a survival crisis. The crisis may be stated as the abdication of Dad. Where are the men? What are they doing? Why have the dads deserted their responsibility? And why is this a crisis? Let’s look into this for a moment.

The Role of Dad

The role of Dad is clearly taught in the Bible. He is to lead.

I Corinthians 11:3

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

When men surrender their responsibility of being the spiritual leader in the home, the family is weakened. This verse has been much maligned by those who dispute the relevance of family roles. The Apostle Paul is not teaching that a man is a “boss” or “master.” Rather, he is teaching that the husband and father has a leadership role to perform.

This verse is to be understood by comparison to Christ as the head of man. Man must understand that Christ is the spiritual leader of us all. Christ must be allowed to dictate our actions. In like manner, the husband and father must assume the responsibility of teaching and leading his family.

Why have so many men abdicated their leadership responsibility? I would like to offer a few reasons. 

Surrendering to Materialism

Our men have been led to believe that they are doing their job if they are good providers. This idea of providing has grown into much more than providing a roof over the family’s head and food on the table. Now, he believes he must provide all the desires of his wife and children, or he is not a good provider.

The desire for material wealth has caused him to leave off his primary role of being the spiritual provider. He often works two jobs, is heavily in debt, and is constantly trying to determine how he can make more money to “provide for his family.” He has been led to believe that Proverbs 13:22—“A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children”—is actually talking about money.

The concept of leaving an inheritance of devotion to God, clean moral lives, and a good name has all but been lost. As a result, he devotes himself to the acquiring of financial security. As his family disintegrates before his very eyes, because of his blindness, he continues seeking to be a provider of monetary gain.

I Timothy 5:8 says, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Where have the dads gone? They are convinced that the provision spoken of in Scripture is something other than the knowledge of God and His Word. 

Surrendering to Sports

In a 2025 AP-NORC poll, “among people who follow men’s sports, about two-thirds of the fandom is male.” The similarity between sports and church is striking. Those who follow sports align themselves with a group of like-minded people. They find camaraderie—a brotherhood. They share a common goal: winning the championship or simply winning the game. The stadium becomes “our house.” They become part of the team, though they never personally take the field or court of play.

Those who align themselves with the church also find a brotherhood of like-minded individuals who share a common goal: bringing the message of Christ to those who do not know Him. The building becomes the place of assembly.

Sports are played on a schedule. The meetings of the church are scheduled. Sports seek a hero. The church has a Hero—Christ. He never ceases to be the Hero.

Devotion is required of a sports fan. He shows his devotion by spending hard-earned money to support his team. He is often willing to drive many miles, endure adverse weather, and even miss sleep or comfort for the good of the team. The devoted Christian will do likewise.

The Apostle Paul put it this way:

II Corinthians 11:26–27

“In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;

In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.”

Many fathers have traded the church for sports. The latest sports statistics become their daily ritual. They know more about an 18-year-old athlete than they know about Christ.

Brother Van Bonneau, a pioneer preacher in the 1940s, stated, “This nation is drunk on sports.” If Brother Bonneau were living today, he would surely say this nation is drunk to the point of total unconsciousness.

Where have the dads gone? Look to see if they are at the game. You might find them there.  

Someone might say, “You think sports is sinful”.   I do not.  Allow me to quote C.S. Lewis in his Screw Tape Letters. “An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula.  It is more certain: and it’s better style.”  [i]  Lewis explains how an unhealthy desire for something can cultivate sin.   Such is the case with the danger of prioritizing things over service to Christ.  Sports, and the enjoyment of sports are no more sinful than enjoying food. An unhealthy desire for food is termed gluttony and there lies the sin.  As the spiritual leaders of our family we must evaluate our desires and temper those things that inhibit service to the Lord.  

Surrendering the Teaching

Deuteronomy 6:6–8

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.”

Many fathers have been led to believe that someone else can do a better job teaching their children. Years ago, the idea was fostered that if we sent our children to Sunday school, we were doing our job as parents. Today, many are willing to surrender their children’s spiritual future into the hands of someone else.

The model employed in secular education has been brought into the church. The value of the one-room schoolhouse seems to have been lost—yet it is not entirely lost. Homeschooling is at an all-time high. Homeschool parents are realizing the benefits of shared learning across age groups.

Church Bible classes have fostered the abdication of the father-led home. Classifying children by age groups in church assemblies was unheard of until 1751. Robert Raikes was a pioneer of the Sunday school movement, though he did not start the first one. Earlier examples existed, such as Hannah Ball’s school in High Wycombe and the documented case at St. Mary’s Church in Nottingham (1751). [ii]

There are many problems associated with the Sunday school system employed by most churches: unqualified teachers, the violation of I Timothy 2:11–12 ; I Cor. 14:33-34 and the production of children who are peer-led rather than parent-led. There is also a lack of oversight for sound teaching and, above all, a lack of scriptural authority for such a system.

Deuteronomy 32:2

“My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass.”

Just as the tender herb absorbs the rain it needs, so the tender child can absorb teaching in the assembly alongside their parents. The mighty oak and the tender herb are never segregated when the rain falls.

As fathers assume responsibility for teaching their children, they leave a legacy—an endowment imparted by the spiritual leader. Segregated assemblies have been accepted largely because Dad has vacated his role as spiritual leader. Where is Dad? He may be in the adult class.

Surrendering the Leadership of the Church

Titus 1:5–6

“For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city…

If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.”

Do you see that? He must be a married man with one wife, and he must have children.

Consider the crisis of the church. Less than 40% of the population attends church, with women attending more than men. Thirty percent of families are broken, with 22% of children in one-parent families being reared by their mother. It is no wonder churches struggle to find men qualified for eldership.

If we surrender our homes, we surrender our churches. When the biblical pattern for the home is lost, the biblical pattern for the church is soon lost as well.

A Call to Repentance

It is not too late for your family. Repentance is a central call of the gospel message.

Acts 17:30

“And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent.”

Perhaps it is time for churches to repent and return to God’s teaching. A local church will never strengthen the home if it surrenders to unscriptural practices and materialistic teaching. Our homes will not be restored unless we follow the instructions of God’s holy Word.

Our children—the product of our homes—will continue on this destructive path unless dads decide to be the spiritual leaders and fully assume that responsibility.

I realize this article has not offered restoration content for homes where Dad is not present. Christ offers restoration for all, and hopefully that can be addressed at a later time. The purpose of this writing is to encourage us to stop the erosion of the family and the apostasy of the church.

It is possible. It should be our goal that when someone asks, “Where is Dad?” the answer is, “He is leading his family. They are in the assembly of the church, all learning to serve God.”

Mark Parkhurst 

[i] C.S. Lewis.  Screwtape Letters, Letter XXIX

[ii] [ii] (Deering, Charles (1751). Nottinghamia vetus et nova: or, An historical account of the ancient and present state of the Town of Nottingham. "A society of good and well meaning persons which meet every Wednesday and Sunday evenings in the vestry of St. Mary's, pay yearly 6l. 8s. for the instruction of sixteen more poor children; and about six are put to school by the charity of private persons."