Observing the Father-Led home

We want to examine what a father-led home looks like. First, let us understand that the principle of the father being the spiritual leader in the home is a biblical teaching. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

As far as children are concerned, instruction is given to fathers in Ephesians 6:4: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Instruction is also given regarding the relationship with his wife in Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” Verse 25 continues, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

The interpretation of “man of the house” has been warped. For many, we think of a man who may resemble the Marlboro Man of the 1960s television cigarette commercials.

He appears rugged, macho, and unwilling to back down from anyone. Or maybe he is the man who is willing to sacrifice even his own welfare for the protection of his family. For others, he is the guy who goes off to work every day and “brings home the bacon.” Being the man of the house for some means he has the final word on all decisions.These opinions of the father-led home have given rise to many objections. Today, many men face an identity crisis. Society has struggled with this so much that some even have problems with gender identity. After all, if being the “man of the house” means I am simply a paycheck and my wife must surrender all opinions, the value of this position is greatly diminished.

60's Dad

The 1940s dad was the warrior. The 1950s dad was the disciplinarian. The 1960s dad became disenchanted with the whole idea of fatherhood altogether. Today, the dad struggles with identity.

Confusion exists over what a father actually does. What does the father-led home look like scripturally?

He Is the Spiritual Leader in His Family

Simply stating that he is a spiritual leader does not tell us much. After all, what does a spiritual leader do? For many, being a spiritual leader means making sure his kids go to Bible class. An old high school friend used to tell me, “I have my boys saved and baptized.” He felt successful in the rearing of his sons. It never mattered to him that he did not attend himself, was not committed to teaching his sons personally, and was, by all accounts, a very materialistic person. What was important to him was that he had assured his sons received some kind of spiritual training in some kind of religious environment. It did not matter to him what kind of religious environment they were in, so long as he had done his job of sending them.

God has been very specific in outlining the role of a father with his children.

Deuteronomy 6:4–9

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

The father-led home is pictured in this foundational passage as one where the father teaches his children. Notice the places where the father teaches: in the house, walking by the way, at bedtime, and at the beginning of the day. This responsibility is given at all times and in all places. The father-led home is one where the father is, in practice, the primary teacher of his children. He does not rely upon someone else. As a man of God, you must assume this responsibility.

What This Does Not Mean

This does not mean that the father must be the sole teacher in the home. The mother also carries responsibility for teaching. The church carries responsibility for teaching. It does mean that the father-led home is one where the father is the leader in the spiritual nurture of his family. He is willing to lead. He never shirks this duty onto someone else.

He realizes the danger of false teaching and is willing to correct it and, if necessary, completely abandon an environment that is detrimental to his family’s spiritual welfare. A father-led home is one where the father has put forth the effort to understand and implement spiritual values for himself.

Have you seen a father-led home? I know churches that have been teaching and practicing these principles. One congregation in particular is a large group comprised mostly of farmers. Harvest time comes in this area of the country, and the window of opportunity is constantly pressing upon them. The father-led homes in this congregation will shut off their combines at church time. The dad will come home, clean up, and attend services with his family.

Father-led homes will forfeit their child’s sports practice in order to attend the assembly. When vacationing, father-led homes will not vacation from the assembly but instead schedule their time off around it. It should be commonplace, but in our society it becomes amazing to see father-led homes where children are taught to put Christ and His church first.

Children from father-led homes will choose a university where they can attend the assembly and will never sacrifice their convictions by attending an unfaithful one. Dads are responsible for creating this environment. I encourage you to examine the environment of your home. Is everyone going in different directions? Do you all share the same agenda? What goals are you instilling in your children? What is your mission?

If you attain the things you desire and work for, will they benefit you eternally, or will they be merely temporal and perhaps cost the souls of your family?

Colossians 2:20–22 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances… after the commandments and doctrines of men?

2 Timothy 4:10 For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world…

The Father-Led Home Offers Restraint

Often, freedom is perceived as a lack of restraint. This cannot be true if the words of Christ are true.

John 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

I know a man who believed his children should be entirely self-directed. In his mind, his duty as a father was to protect them from physical injury. Beyond that, he would not intrude in their lives. This mindset forgets that there is a much greater danger than physical well being alone. I am thankful that our Heavenly Father loves us enough to demand restraint.

Jeremiah 10:23

O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

Our children need direction and restraint as well.

Psalm 1:1–3

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly…

A father who leads his home will require restraint. When restraint is not exercised, he will chasten.

Hebrews 12:9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us…

This correction cannot be delegated. Dad, as the spiritual leader in the home, must assume the responsibility of correction.

In 1 Samuel, a sobering story is told about a high priest of God named Eli. He served as judge of Israel for 40 years. Eli was a father. He had two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, who were priests but corrupt. They committed fornication at the tabernacle and abused the sacrificial system God had instituted.

1 Samuel 3:13…because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

Judgment came upon Eli’s house. His sons lost their lives, and Eli also died (1 Samuel 4:18). Eli lacked the willingness to restrain his family. Though he verbally reprimanded his sons, he failed to impose meaningful restraint upon ungodliness.

The father-led home understands that spiritual leadership requires not only giving good gifts, but also withholding those things that will destroy a soul.

Homes in Ruin

Many homes are progressing toward ruin. The father has rejected his responsibility of spiritual leadership. The mother is often left without support. She may reconcile this lack by believing her husband is a good provider and a moral man. Yet the essential ingredient for a fruitful home is missing.

As a result, the family develops competing goals. The most important goal is cast aside. Church becomes optional. God becomes distant—someone called upon only in distress.

Do you desire a balanced, fruitful home where growth exists in something more valuable than a job, a sports position, or a scholarship?

Matthew 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

   34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Our dear Heavenly Father, we pray to have and become spiritual leaders in our families—Amen. 

Mark Parkhurst